The Voice of Reason

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Just let it go.

Yesterday was a pretty good day overall – if you don’t focus on the drama that swirled around getting the kids to school and some unfortunate ex-texting. In-between, everything was great – client meetings, workload, connecting with an old friend, sunshine pouring through the window.

And yet, I found myself around 3 o’clock in the afternoon in funk, dwelling on the low points rather than the high ones. Sometimes, we create dramas out of nothing and for what? I can’t honestly see a reason.

Last night, two of my kids performed in a musical recital. There were just five kids on the program, two of whom are my flesh and blood, and it was wonderful to see all five of this burgeoning musicians stand up before a crowd of adults and give it their best. A high point.

My former in-laws were in the row behind me and my parents. It was so good to see them. Wonderful people, truly, and the conversation flowed just as eagerly and effortlessly as when I was part of their family. A high point.

My husband planned this week’s meals and did the grocery-shopping since I was away last weekend. He set the table and made the food and all of us were home to gather around the table and after, the kids got silly in the basement and sweaty from singing and dancing. A high point.

So what were, exactly, the low points that could so fully drag me down? Um, I’m embarrassed even to spend time here on them.

Stupid texting with my former husband which really revolved around each of us wanting our own way and wanting validation from the other. Seriously – we both need to let go. It’s been six years since we were married to each other.

My kids dragged their feet in the morning when we had to leave for school. Why, exactly, was I yelling? Why did I feel the need to lecture them in the car? (Possibly because of the talk-back. But it was me who was near tears, not them, and then we parted ways on a sour note. Stupid, stupid, stupid.)

I used to watch that crazy show about the family with 19 kids, and the devout mother would say in her whisper-soft voice that she believes in praising her children 10 times more than punishing them. A very good rule of thumb.

So what about praising the day? What about praising ourselves? Ten times more than punishing, eh? Think we get even close?

Today is halfway unfolded already and it’s for sure off to a better start. I even spoke with my attorney this morning, whose supportive voice reassured me that I am not crazy and that sometimes, we just need to let it go. Make peace with the fact that there is no peace. Stop trying to change the schedule to suit our own vision if the other party is not cooperative. Just go with it.

I’m going to take her advice. Let it flow. Move on. Stop cluttering my mind with check-point moves. Nobody wins anyway, and yet everybody wins.

It’s about the moments. It’s about the clarity of light through the glass. It’s about accomplishing and achieving as much as being in the silence.

We all had a hard time waking up today. Yes, it’s still dark in the morning, but that’s not it.

It’s more to do with the fact that while we sleep, we release stress and restore our energy. And you can’t skimp on that.

So I’m working at home for half the day and loving the colors of the walls. And then I’ll head to the office and meet with clients and colleagues and another day will have unfolded like a lovely pashmina from points east of here.

Oh and next week I’m heading out of the country with a client to discover the true meaning of life and the world. Enough of this drama-spun fiction. It’s time to live.

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